A missed miscarriage, also known as a missed abortion or a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus dies, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may still continue to release hormones, so the woman may continue to experience signs of pregnancy. A missed miscarriage is usually diagnosed during a routine checkup, where the doctor will fail to detect a heartbeat. A subsequent ultrasound will show an underdeveloped fetus.
This was not the news we were expecting. I have never experienced anything like this before. I really wanted them to say everything was fine and that we were just worried about nothing. That maybe I had imagined or exaggerated the cramps and bleeding. I think it sinks in a little more each time we talk about it, but it's still processing.
In a way, I'm grateful it happened so early on. We never heard the heartbeat, never found out the sex, or even saw it alive.
We debated sharing the news of the pregnancy so early, since we usually waited until after our first appt to share with everyone. We wanted to share the news in person with family and we were traveling to visit them right after Christmas. I think sharing the news early has also allowed everyone to share in our loss as well. I think it will be good for us. I would not be as open about the loss if we hadn't been open about the joy.
The OB/GYN doctor on call gave us the choices on how we could proceed with the news. We decided to take the wait and see approach, to allow my body to naturally finish what had been started. I did receive the Rhogam shot because I am RH negative and DH is RH positive (and has his blood type card in his wallet to prove it lol). He was incredibly surprised we had conceived while I was still nursing but said that breast feeding should actually help the uterus contract as it needs to.
I didn't do a lot for the rest if the day, and for whatever reason, I could not eat or drink anything without feeling sick. I felt fine for the most of the day, and then I would have major cramping. The cramps were similar to the contractions I felt with both the kids. I was giving DS a bath in the sink at one point and the cramping started. I had to kneel down for a minute and let it pass. Just very uncomfortable. I tried to stay on top of it with Tylenol as much as possible. We tried to have a normal dinner and birthday celebration that evening for the guys.
The next morning, I was trying to figure out if I wanted to go to church or not (maybe showing up late and leaving early because I wasn't ready to really talk about it yet). I decided to have a friend take the kids and I would stay home and rest. I passed the fetal tissue ( I guess you can't really call it anything else at that point) that morning. I scooped it into a container. Maybe that is totally weird or gross but I needed to make sure that is what was really happening. I think it has been helpful for closure. It has solidified the situation for me, this really happened. It looked just like I expected it to, and I won't gross you out with any pictures. I didn't feel right about flushing it down the toilet. I did call the ER to find out if they needed it for testing. They don't, and won't typically do testing on your first loss. They say that most miscarriages at this stage are chromosome related, something didn't happen right and it just wasn't a viable pregnancy.
Viable or not, it was very real for us. We were excited to welcome another little one into this world. You start talking about which room it will stay in, if you need a bigger car, if you need to save those baby clothes or that play pen. You start talking about names.
God has given us this opportunity to grieve, find comfort in each other. I would love it if you shared your experiences with us, I know we are not alone in this. According to the statistics, 20% of pregnancies end in loss. My prayer is that God will continue to use us for His divine glory and that no hurt or pain will go unused. And maybe it's too soon, but I'm open to more children if God will bless us with them.
Hugs. And its not weird, I did it too and buried it(hate calling it an it) were we had buried a dog. There was a women that also did it and put it in the freezer until she figured out what to do.
ReplyDeleteHaving been unable to even conceive, I won't pretend to know what you are going through or the loss you are feeling. I do know that you are not alone though. Mike's niece had a full-term miscarriage about a year ago. The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and she died a couple of days before the due date. Then they had another miscarriage last November. I have watched them turn to God and each other for comfort and strength. I know it must be heartbreaking to lose not only the child, but the dreams and hopes you were already beginning to have for your unborn child. So, I pray for comfort and peace for you all as you work your way through this. I'm sorry you are going through it, but I know your faith will be made stronger because of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen i was pregnant with jasmine i experienced some heavy bleeding and cramps. I went to the er and they told me i had a miscarrage. So i made an appointment with my obgyn. During the ultra sound there was a tiny heartbeat. I was so excited, the er was mistaken. Then i found out i had been carrying twins and only lost one. This later caused difficulties during Jasmines delivery, the bag from the twin i lost had grown around jasmines bag. So when she broke my water she couldnt get out because of the extra layer around her. Two years after jasmine was born i got pregnant again and a week after i found out i lost that one too. I got the shot and passed the fetal tissue. I was very sad and thought i had done something wrong. The doctor assured me these things happen and i hadnt caused it. Jasmines dad had ran off with ashley so i had to deal with it alone. It was very hard, my family didnt know and i didnt want to tell anyone. I just spent time with jasmine and alot of time alone. I eventually put it behind me, but i never forgot or stopped wondering 'what if?' I love you and im so sorry you had to experience this loss. Im always here if you need someone to talk too. You have a wonderful family and beautiful babies. I just know you will move on and your god will bless you with child/children as soon as youre ready.
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