Just Keep Swimming

The kids are taking swim lessons right now. The princess will jump into the pool and has started swimming without having the instructor hold her up. This is progress for the girl who hates to get her hair wet in the bath! 

Peanut's class is more like a mommy and me class in water. He absolutely loves it! He does not like going completely under the water, so we have only tried that once. The class is available to babies as young as six months old and the younger they are, the more comfortable they seem to be in the water. 

While we are on the topic of swimming, we now have a fish! 

Fred is a red crown tail Betta. Princesses first pet, although the interest faded as soon as it came home... So now I get to feed him, clean the tank, etc. he is pretty low maintenance thankfully. The average life span is 1-3 years so we know how long of a commitment we are on for if he survives. He has been pretty shy and hides in the foliage every time you pass. The reason for this was revealed to me last week when my sweet innocent princess casually walked up to the tank and shook it while on the way to the bathroom! Apparently, this had become a daily ritual! We have explained why this is bad and hopefully the little guy will start feeling at home now... Just Keep Swimming Fred. 

PA trip and birthdays

In February we celebrated DD's 5th birthday as well as my mother-in-laws 21st birthday ;) (I'm not telling how many 21st birthdays preceded it.). 

Here is the donut cake celebrating DD's birthday on the actual day. We had a real cake later, while the inlaws were in town. Here is a glimpse back in time: 

She was so little! 

I didn't get any family pictures while they were in town, but I do have a picture of the cake. 

Here is how you make a cake without a pedestal. Just un-see the messy counter! 

It was red velvet with a cheesecake layer. Delicious! 

We also made a trip to Pittsburg while they were here. We got a fantastic deal on a buffet and hutch. 

Perfect for this corner of the dining room. 

They are real wood, old and beautiful! I have never seen anything like Pittsburgh. The hills and narrow lots were incredible! The roads twisted and turned around ravines and the river. The Burroughs reminded me of rabbit burrows, small roads dug into the side of the hill, barely big enough for one car to drive. 

Love and Loss

Saturday we celebrated the birthdays of the two leading guys in my life. DH turned 29 and DS turned one! This time last year we were bringing the little guy home from the hospital. 5lbs 10 oz, 19 inches long. 

 

He has been the sweetest, happiest baby I have ever known! He is full of grins and giggles. 

He loves balls and anything with wheels. He can crawl at the speed of light and is so close to walking! His sister is probably his favorite person; no matter how much she bugs him, his face lights up when he sees her. You can tell they will be best friends! 

DH has been an amazing father and husband, and is so supportive to our whole family. He never hesitates to play games with DD or chase DS around, even giving me a break when I need it most! 

Now, on to the "loss" part of this post. As many of you know, we spent Saturday in the ER and found out we have lost the baby (Some birthday, right?!). They are calling it a missed miscarriage, which is defined as follows: 

A missed miscarriage, also known as a missed abortion or a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus dies, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may still continue to release hormones, so the woman may continue to experience signs of pregnancy. A missed miscarriage is usually diagnosed during a routine checkup, where the doctor will fail to detect a heartbeat. A subsequent ultrasound will show an underdeveloped fetus.

This was not the news we were expecting. I have never experienced anything like this before. I really wanted them to say everything was fine and that we were just worried about nothing. That maybe I had imagined or exaggerated the cramps and bleeding. I think it sinks in a little more each time we talk about it, but it's still processing. 

In a way, I'm grateful it happened so early on. We never heard the heartbeat, never found out the sex, or even saw it alive. 

We debated sharing the news of the pregnancy so early, since we usually waited until after our first appt to share with everyone. We wanted to share the news in person with family and we were traveling to visit them right after Christmas. I think sharing the news early has also allowed everyone to share in our loss as well. I think it will be good for us. I would not be as open about the loss if we hadn't been open about the joy. 

The OB/GYN doctor on call gave us the choices on how we could proceed with the news. We decided to take the wait and see approach, to allow my body to naturally finish what had been started. I did receive the Rhogam shot because I am RH negative and DH is RH positive (and has his blood type card in his wallet to prove it lol). He was incredibly surprised we had conceived while I was still nursing but said that breast feeding should actually help the uterus contract as it needs to.

I didn't do a lot for the rest if the day, and for whatever reason, I could not eat or drink anything without feeling sick. I felt fine for the most of the day, and then I would have major cramping. The cramps were similar to the contractions I felt with both the kids. I was giving DS a bath in the sink at one point and the cramping started. I had to kneel down for a minute and let it pass. Just very uncomfortable. I tried to stay on top of it with Tylenol as much as possible. We tried to have a normal dinner and birthday celebration that evening for the guys. 

The next morning, I was trying to figure out if I wanted to go to church or not (maybe showing up late and leaving early because I wasn't ready to really talk about it yet). I decided to have a friend take the kids and I would stay home and rest. I passed the fetal tissue ( I guess you can't really call it anything else at that point) that morning. I scooped it into a container. Maybe that is totally weird or gross but I needed to make sure that is what was really happening. I think it has been helpful for closure. It has solidified the situation for me, this really happened. It looked just like I expected it to, and I won't gross you out with any pictures. I didn't feel right about flushing it down the toilet. I did call the ER to find out if they needed it for testing. They don't, and won't typically do testing on your first loss. They say that most miscarriages at this stage are chromosome related, something didn't happen right and it just wasn't a viable pregnancy. 

Viable or not, it was very real for us. We were excited to welcome another little one into this world. You start talking about which room it will stay in, if you need a bigger car, if you need to save those baby clothes or that play pen. You start talking about names. 

God has given us this opportunity to grieve, find comfort in each other. I would love it if you shared your experiences with us, I know we are not alone in this. According to the statistics, 20% of pregnancies end in loss. My prayer is that God will continue to use us for His divine glory and that no hurt or pain will go unused. And maybe it's too soon, but I'm open to more children if God will bless us with them. 

Bizarro World

I feel like I have been living in some alternate reality for the last week (plus a few days)! So I thought I would share with you some of the real things that have happened because they are too good to keep to myself. 

• We travelled home to see family and broke down at Steak and Shake in St. Louis at 2 AM. The ignition stopped working, and we had no idea how to hot wire a car... 

• Had to take a cab down the street to the hotel, and he "accidentally" got on the interstate instead of driving straight to the hotel. We could see the hotel as we passed it on the ramp! 

• DH left his wallet in the car and I went in to book the room. My card, however, was deactivated due to the Target security breech. Thank you night staff, for accepting cash from the crazy family standing at the desk in the middle of the night! 

• DS was sick and woke up crying every 30 minutes. DD was bouncing off the walls because staying in a hotel is one of the most exciting things she can think of! (I wish we shared her enthusiasm at that moment). 

• The cab driver called around 5am to let us know that my wallet fell out of my purse while we were unloading and he would leave it at the front desk for us. 

• DH had the car towed to a local shop who did not have the part, but did show us how to start the car with a screwdriver so we could get on our way. Really really. Also, the turn signals mysteriously stopped working... And apparently not everyone knows hand signals! 

•I made the mistake of letting DD pack her own bag, which means she had socks, underwear, a gymnastics suit and toys. Now I made a very detailed list for her, using pictures and numbers. She was so excited about this list, I thought for sure she would get it all in the suitcase. It still puzzles me why I did not double check her packing!!! 

• We watched the weather closely and decided to leave early to beat the storms. We mapped out a stop in Indianapolis around dinner time as our last big stop. Choosing Circle Centre Mall so we could eat and walk around a little. Plus it was right off the interstate. Well, it just so happens, the Colts and Chiefs were playing in Indy and we could see the stadium from the mall. Yes, that's right, we drove toward the stadium as the game was ending. (And parking was $20 because of the event.) We ate slowly hoping to avoid traffic. Oh yeah, and the stuff on top of the Jeep did not clear the clearance signs in the parking garage... 

• The attendant at the garage remembered us coming in and only charged us $2 for parking instead of the event parking $20. He said he remembered us because he didn't think we would clear the clearance sign at the entrance. We are not sure how we missed that one but hit the signs in the garage. 

• DS grabbed the nearest bowl full of salsa at the mexican restaurant. The waitress with the thick accent "tasted" the salsa on DS hand to see if he put his hand in the spicy salsa. Not kidding. 

• Our pipes froze due to the cold weather. It was actually the pipe from the well coming to the house from the other side of the duplex. It probably didn't help that the heat tape was not plugged in, the garage was left cracked, and no additional insulation or wall had been built around the pipes... I have a greater appreciation for those who do not have indoor plumbing. 

This has been one interesting week. We also had the pleasure of sharing our good news with family and friends while we were in town. We are expecting a new bundle of joy next August! No matter what has happened this week, God's provision for us has been made clear. There is incredible peace and comfort knowing that He is watching over us, He provides for us, and He loves us more than anything. 

Hanging out at the hotel.